it is good... and it is bad....

I had not written here since... i do not know... ages... a few life updates:

* Now I love Mac OS X and hate Windoze (a little more) it is very usable, and fun, and eye-candy, and functional... is good because you do not get distracted with the Linux mega-personalization or with the Windoze bitching, you simply get things done and feel glad and fun using it... so I can say that for the first time ever... Miguel is right (my life will be in danger if he gets to read this XD)

* I am one year older... not wiser, just older, I do not feel like I'm 25 tho, that could be good and +1 brownie point for me just for feeling the youth n_n

* I am so damn happy with my job even if I have to stay late sometimes... I am glad and feel that I have grown professionally (I'm a big girl yey!)

* The bf is gone for good :( but well.. maybe all along I have been wanting to write this (damn it, i just had the most horrible déjà vu right now)... maybe I need to let it out... I have not let it out.. I haven't told anyone how awful and horrible I feel... I just say "no, I don't have a boyfriend anymore"

Everybody maybe is used to me giving a damn about everything and they think I'm over it, like I have done before... why should it be different now? huh? heh I don't even know the answer... all I know is that, no, I'm not going crazy... and most of normal people go through that... I had just not been there... I think of love as some kind of strong attachment towards someone but that's it... (I mean, is like when my cat died, yes I loved him but wtf, my tears won't bring him back)... maybe I used to be a beast with no feelings, and when i finally had, I had them for him (him him, not him my cat XD)... and things did not go as I expected... that's a good lesson... never ever love anyone... because once it's gone... as in the cat case... your tears won't bring that person back.... period

It hurts, it consumes even the last second of every single day, it gets you out of focus, it is phisically painful (yes, I have a stomachache right now, and it still happens whenever I think of him), it makes you change, turn into something you probably hate, it makes you stop thinking about yourself, it turns you into a libidinous animal, it gets you away from your friends, maybe just maybe you start to dislike things you used to like.... it happened before and I could not see it was happening now... maybe I'm not good at sacrificing myself just to keep someone happy...

Ok, back... other interesting stuffz...

* I still do not believe this facebook thing... everybody has a facebook profile! I have even found friends from school (keeping in mind that after graduation I had no one's phone number or e-mail that's a huge thing heh)

* Today I realised that... people is more predictible than you could ever think, three things: "Steel will try to...", "I know that msn nickname has something to do with me", "He is not going to answer the phone"... and yes... the three things happened....

* I am having a big utopy thingy going on... is weird, bacause I'm bitching a lot about love and damn it.... maybe we are just meant to meet the right person in the wrong moment... like in those cheesy movies where in the end everything is ok and love conquers all... yeh... my ass... it never happens....

Die Liebe ist ein wildes Tier Sie atmet dich sie sucht nach dir Nistet auf gebrochenen Herzen Geht auf Jagd bei Kuss und Kerzen Saugt sich fest an deinen Lippen Gräbt sich Gänge durch die Rippen Lässt sich fallen weich wie Schnee Erst wird es heiß dann kalt am Ende tut es weh hell yeah....

Die Liebe ist ein wildes Tier
Sie atmet dich sie sucht nach dir
Nistet auf gebrochenen Herzen
Geht auf Jagd bei Kuss und Kerzen
Saugt sich fest an deinen Lippen
Gräbt sich Gänge durch die Rippen
Lässt sich fallen weich wie Schnee
Erst wird es heiß dann kalt am Ende tut es weh

hell yeah....

and then...

they gave me a mac... tis hard to use it sometimes, and i don't know where is anything!!!!! but... damn i will learn XD besides is kinda eye candy and stuffz... when i find out something cool maybe i'll post it

i'm lazy... ad sort of brokenhearted.... hope to get better soon....

The denial.....

Denial of responsibility: This form of denial involves avoiding personal responsibility by blaming, minimizing or justifying. Blaming is a direct statement shifting culpability and may overlap with denial of fact. Minimizing is an attempt to make the effects or results of an action appear to be less harmful than they may actually be. Justifying is when someone takes a choice and attempts to make that choice look okay due to their perception of what is "right" in a situation. Someone using denial of responsibility is usually attempting to avoid potential harm or pain by shifting attention away from themselves.

Damn!! just accept you blew it and that you will try to make it different!!!! That's all I want to hear you dumbass!!!

Men, men, men....

"I taught your boyfriend that thing you like"...

So this was the phrase that I could not get out of my mind yesterday... is a stupid funny phrase i found in a t-shirt in T-shirt Hell one day (good site btw, there's is an "I taught your girlfriend that thing you like" version too)... still sounds funny in my head, damn it!.. anyway that's good... i should not feel different about it anyways... besides it is my only damn deviation that has been favourited by someone :(... it looks neat... so emo tho... but nice, the font is just great, i love it! and the back color is my favourite color, i wear it a lot actually...


Anyway... i had a long conversation yesterday that started with this phrase... some mental notes here... these are just fragments that i might have said... or that i just thought for myself...

* oh god... here we go, is there something wrong?

* yeah, i uploaded it to deviantart ages ago, sup with it? O_o

* Good point, but actually i don't give a damn if your ex taught you anything... besides, that's not the way you're supposed to understand it...

* Damn it, that explanation sounds so lame once it is said out loud... will he believe me? i would not believe such a stupid thing :/

* Damn yes! i know it is difficult, but i have told you a thousand times how i feel... why can't you see it as clear as i see it?!?!?!

* - uncomfortable silence -

* No, i don't want to keep talking -pleeease don't hung up-

* Yeah... things like weird phrases from your cousin and your ex on your "top friends", or the fckn nurse sticker!!!... i just try not to give a damn about those things.... -calm down, calm down, if you say it, it will sound stupid

* "Allergic to my writing"?!?! wtf... that is one of the few things i do not suck so much at, that is my backup way to communicate my thoughts in most of cases... what the hell am i supposed to do now?...

* maybe i should cancel my blog... wait no! hell no!

* - cries - ok.. now why am i crying? -cause you are a horrible person, dumb... -oh yes... now i remember... damn i deserve this and more....

* as long as that time does not tend to infinity i'll be ok...

* OMFG 1 year?? 2 years????... thank god that like 65 days have passed already...

* no dumb... you do not count 1, 2, infinity...

* well i cannot lie to myself... of course i would wait infinite time if i had to.....

* i just want everything to be ok

* no, i'm not wasting my time... and i'm not looking for anybody.. i've found you...

* and i'm sleepy

* of course i do love you... stupid question man ¬¬

I bet there are more things... i just cannot remember them all right now, i guess these were the most important ones... anyway i just had to let it out... maybe the allergic boy will not even read this... and if he does... most probably we will end up having a long long conversation about this...

ok, enough procrastination, time to go back to work...

hehe i just found this...

and it is absolutely funny...

Nine words women use...

Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a wom a n can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.Then you RUN!

=)

October 2 problem is now solved... completely!!!!